I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
