as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize