yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
