I hate all girls vehemently.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
