are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
