just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize