I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My life is pants optional.
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