her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
