are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize