At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
