You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
