Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize