i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
