I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
