My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
