apparently the secret to your success is patron
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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