Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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