I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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