College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize