why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
