Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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