I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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