It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
