I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
