dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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