wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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