Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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