I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
bring money and cleavage
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
