im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
