Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Randomize
