I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
