Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
not ubering you a puppy
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize