see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
