My hand turned me down
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
This baby is an asshole
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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