the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
