they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
