She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
