I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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