i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
