I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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