she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
