butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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