actually, I'm a sock model
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize