Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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