That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
