I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize