So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Please don't give away my fajitas
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