I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
