Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize