it's too hot outside to masturbate.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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