Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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