Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
