The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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