dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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