Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You smell like stripper and shame
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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