i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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