Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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