do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
