So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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