yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
