In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
