Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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