I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
