I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
