I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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