Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
