I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
