Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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