its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize