he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We just shotgunned beers for America
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
