please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize