Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
