I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
